A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and ey went nearer to watch them, and just as ey came up to them ey heard one of them say, "Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like that!"
"I couldn't help it," said Five, in a sulky tone. "Seven jogged my elbow."
On which Seven looked up and said, "That's right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!
"You'd better not talk!" said Five. "I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!"
"What for?" said the one who had first spoken.
"That's none of your business, Two!" said Seven.
"Yes, it is eir business!" said Five. "And I'll tell em -- it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions."
Seven flung down eir brush, and had just begun, "Well, of all the unjust things -- " when eir eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as ey stood watching them, and Ey checked eirself suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.
"Would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, "why you are painting those roses?"
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, "Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rosetree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore ey comes, to -- " At this moment, Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out, "The Queen! The Queen!" and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing em. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
Alice was rather doubtful whether ey ought not to lie down on eir face like the three gardeners, but ey could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions; "and besides, what would be the use of a procession," thought ey, "if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?" So ey stood still where ey was, and waited.
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at em, and the Queen said severely, "Who is this?" Ey said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
"ldiot!" said the Queen, tossing eir head impatiently; and, turning to Alice, ey went on, "What's your name, child?"
"My name is Alice, so please your Majesty," said Alice very politely; but ey added, to eirself, "Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!"
"And who are these? " said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, ey could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of eir own children.
"How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at eir own courage. "It's no business of mine."
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at em for a moment like a wild beast, screamed, "Off with eir head! Off -- "
"Nonsense!" said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.
The King laid eir hand upon eir arm, and timidly said, "Consider, my dear: ey is only a child!"
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave, "Turn them over!"
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
"Get up!" said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.
"Leave off that!" screamed the Queen. "You make me giddy." And then, turning to the rosetree, ey went on, "What have you been doing here ?"
"May it please your Majesty," said Two, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as ey spoke, "we were trying -- "
"I see!" said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. "Off with their heads!" and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.
"You sha'n't be beheaded!" said Alice, and ey put them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.
"Are their heads off?" shouted the Queen.
"Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!" the soldiers shouted in reply.
"That's right!" shouted the Queen. "Can you play croquet?"
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for em.
"Yes!" shouted Alice.
"Come on, then!" roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
"It's -- it's a very fine day!" said a timid voice at eir side. Ey was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into eir face.
"Very," said Alice: "where's the Duchess?"
"Hush! Hush!" said the Rabbit in a low hurried tone. Ey looked anxiously over eir shoulder as ey spoke, and then raised eirself upon tiptoe, put eir mouth close to eir ear, and whispered, "Ey's under sentence of execution."
"What for?" said Alice.
"Did you say, 'What a pity!'" the Rabbit asked.
"No, I didn't," said Alice: "I don't think it's at all a pity. I said, 'What for?'"
"Ey boxed the Queen's ears -- " the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. "Oh, hush!" the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. "The Queen will hear you! You see, ey came rather late, and the Queen said -- "
"Get to your places!" shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and the people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began.
Alice thought ey had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in all eir life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were five hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand upon their hands and feet, to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing eir flamingo: ey succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under eir arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as ey had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round and look up in eir face, with such a puzzled expression that ey could not help bursting out laughing: and when ey had got its head down, and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was generally a ridge or a furrow in the way wherever ey wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarreling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting, "Off with eir head!" or "Off with eir head!" about once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, ey had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but ey knew that it might happen any minute, "and then," thought ey, "what would become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is that there's anyone left alive!"
Ey was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether ey could get away without being seen, when ey noticed a curious appearance in the air: it puzzled em very much at first, but, after watching it a minute or two, ey made it out to be a grin, and ey said to eirself, "It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.
"How are you getting on?" said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. "It's no use speaking to it," ey thought, "till its ears have come, or a least one of them." In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down eir flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad ey had some one to listen to em. The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
"I don't think they play at all fairly," Alice began, in rather a complaining tone, "and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them -- and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground -- and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming!"
"How do you like the Queen?" said the Cat in a low voice.
"Not at all," said Alice: "ey's so extremely -- " Just then ey noticed that the Queen was close behind em listening: so ey went on, " -- likely to win that it's hardly worth while finishing the game."
The Queen smiled and passed on.
"Who are you talking to?" said the King, coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
"It's a friend of mine -- a Cheshire Cat," said Alice: "allow me to introduce it."
"I don't like the look of it at all," said the King: "however, it may kiss my hand if it likes."
"I'd rather not," the Cat remarked.
"Don't be impertinent," said the King, "and don't look at me like that!" Ey got behind Alice as ey spoke.
"A cat may look at a king," said Alice. "I've read that in some book, but I don't remember where."
"Well, it must be removed," said the King very decidedly, and ey called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, "My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!"
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. "Off with eir head!" ey said, without looking round.
"I'll fetch the executioner myself," said the King eagerly, and ey hurried off.
Alice thought ey might as well go back and see how the game was going on, as ey heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with passion. Ey had already heard eir sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and ey did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that ey never knew whether it was eir turn or not. So ey went in search of eir hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other: the only difficulty was that eir flamingo was gone across the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into one of the trees.
By the time ey had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: "but it doesn't matter much," thought Alice, "as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground." So ey tucked it under eir arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with eir friend.
When ey got back to the Cheshire Cat, ey was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected around it: there was a dispute going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, ey was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to em, though, as they all spoke at once, ey found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that ey had never had to do such a thing before, and ey wasn't going to begin at eir time of life.
The King's argument was, that anything that had head could be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time, ey'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but "It belongs to the Duchess: you'd better ask em about it."
"Ey's in prison," the Queen said to the executioner: "fetch em here." And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment ey was gone, and, by the time ey had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.