The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them -- all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard em; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them -- "I wish they'd get the trial done," ey thought, "and hand round the refreshments!" But there seemed to be no chance of this; so ey began looking at everything about em to pass away the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but ey had read about them in books, and ey was quite pleased to find that ey knew the name of nearly everything there. "That's the judge," ey said to eirself, "because of eir great wig."
The judge, by the way, was the King; and, as ey wore eir crown over the wig (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how ey did it), ey did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
"And that's the jury-boy," thought Alice; "and those twelve creatures," (ey was obliged to say "creatures," you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) "I suppose they are the jurors." Ey said this last word two or three times over to eirself, being rather proud of it: for ey thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of eir age knew the meaning of it all. However, "jurymen" would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. "What are they doing?" Alice whispered to the Gryphon. "They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun."
"They're putting down their names," the Gryphon whispered in reply, "for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial."
Stupid things!" Alice began in a load indignant voice; but ey stopped eirself hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out "Silence in the Court!", and the King put on eir spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well as if ey were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down "Stupid things!" on their slates, and ey could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell "stupid," and that ey had to ask eir neighbour to tell em. "A nice muddle their slates'll be in, before the trial's over!" thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, of course, Alice could not stand, and ey went round the court and got behind em, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. Ey did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, Ey was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
"Herald, read the accusation!" said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, an then unrolled the parchment-scroll, and read as follows:--
The Queen of Hearts, ey made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, ey stole those tarts
And took them quite away!
"Consider your verdict," the Kind said to the jury. "Not yet, not yet!" the Rabbit hastily interrupted. "There's a great deal to come before that!"
"Call the first witness," said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out "First witness!"
The first witness was the Hatter. Ey came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg your pardon, your Majesty," ey began, "for bringing these in; but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for."
"You ought to have finished," said the King. "When did you begin?"
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed em into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. "Fourteenth of March, I think it was," ey said.
"Fifteenth," said the March Hare.
"Sixteenth," said the Dormouse.
"Write that down," the King said to the jury; and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
"Take off your hat," the king said to the Hatter.
"It isn't mine," said the Hatter.
"Stolen! " the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
"I keep them to sell," the Hatter added as an explanation. "I've none of my own. I'm a hatter."
Here the Queen put on eir spectacles, and began staring hard at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
"Give your evidence," said the King; "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot."
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: ey kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in eir confusion ey bit a large piece out of eir teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled em a good deal until ey made out what it was: ey was beginning to grow larger again, and ey thought at first ey would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts ey decided to remain where ey was as long as there was room for em.
"I wish you wouldn't squeeze so," said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to em. "I can hardly breathe."
"I can't help it," said Alice very meekly: "I'm growing."
"You've got no right to grow here ," said the Dormouse.
"Don't talk nonsense," said Alice more boldly: "you know you're growing too."
"Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace," said the Dormouse: "not in that ridiculous fashion." And ey got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, ey said, to one of the officers of the court, "Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!" on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that ey shook off both eir shoes.
"Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, "or I'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not."
"I'm a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, "and I hadn't begun my tea -- not above a week or so -- and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin -- and the twinkling of the tea -- "
"The twinkling of what ?" said the King.
"It begun with the tea," the Hatter replied.
"Of course twinkling begins with a T!" said the King sharply. "Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!"
"I'm a poor man," the Hatter went on, "and most things twinkled after that -- only the March Hare said -- "
"I didn't!" the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
"You did!" said the Hatter.
"I deny it!" said the March Hare.
"Ey denies it," said the King: "leave out that part."
"Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said -- " the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if ey would deny it too; but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
"After that," continued the Hatter, "I cut some more bread-and-butter -- "
"But what did the Dormouse say?" one of the jury asked.
"That I can't remember," said the Hatter.
"You must remember," remarked the King, "or I'll have you executed."
The miserable Hatter dropped eir teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. "I'm a poor man, your Majesty," ey began.
"You're a very poor speaker ," said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
"I'm glad I've seen that done," thought Alice. "I've so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, 'There was some attempt at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court,' and I never understood what it meant till now."
"If that's all you know about it, you may stand down," continued the King.
"I can't go lower," said the Hatter: "I'm on the floor, as it is."
"Then they may sit down," the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered and was suppressed.
"Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs!" though Alice. "Now we shall get on better."
"I'd rather finish my tea." said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
"You may go," said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put eir shoes on.
" -- and just take eir head off outside," the Queen added to one of the officers; but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.
"Call the next witness!" said the King.
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. Ey carried the pepper-box in eir hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before ey got into the court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
"Give your evidence," said the King.
"Sha'n't," said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said, in a low voice, "Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness."
"Well, if I must, I must," the King said with a melancholy air; and, after folding eir arms and frowning at the cook till eir eyes were nearly out of sight, ey said, in a deep voice, "What are tarts made of?"
"Pepper, mostly," said the cook.
"Treacle," said a sleepy voice behind em.
"Collar that Dormouse!" the Queen shrieked out. "Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress em! Pinch em! Off with eir whiskers!"
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
"Never mind!" said the King, with an air of great relief. "Call the next witness." And, ey added, in an under-tone to the Queen, "Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!"
Alice watched the White Rabbit as ey fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like," -- for they haven't got much evidence yet ," ey said to eirself. Imagine eir surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of eir shrill little voice, the name "Alice!"